Write Something on My Birthday

Happy birthday to not-that-happy myself!

I turned 24 yesterday. It was my birthday. My friend in the high-school came back to our hometown Harbin recently. He reached me and we hung out walking along the Central Street together. Harbin is cold now but also hot because it attracts tourists from many places every winter. Soon it’ll become prettier when the ice lamps are assumbled and the Big Ice and Snow World finished its construction. The ninth Asian Winter Games will be held here in less than 60 days so there will be more people from other countries this winter. I’ve never been so proud of my hometown.

We had dinner in a “Russian restaurant” near the Central Street. I don’t really know whether the foods there taste right like the actual Russian version since I had not tried traditional Russian foods when I was at Vladivostok. But the foods we ordered were cheap so there is nothing to complain about.

Speaking of Vladivostok… Well, that topic is just inevitable even when we were at the dinner table. It’s near the end of the year now, I have to say the trip to Vladivostok forms my best memories this year. (And my graduation from the university is the second best.) I’ve seen beautiful sceneries and encountered nice people during the trip. Lately I’ve been feeling sad sometimes. Because the memories are too good, when switching back to the reality I naturally feel sad. I’m 24 now and yes I know I’m still young, but actually not that young… Considering how time can fly flawlessly. There’s a thought (or joke?) that seems deeply rooted into Chinese people’s mind, that people of 20+ years old will soon turned into 30. We call it “奔三”. Yeah maybe it’s just a joke that people mention a lot. But they are not mentioning it without reasons. Boring life, health issues, low salary, lack of targets and energy, I have already found them chasing after me. Most of us once had dreams like traveling around the world when we were kids, myself included. As I grew I found them probably just dreams… And I’m just an ordinary person. And there are a lot people live hard just to be ordinary.

Eh… Yeah that sounds like I’m overreacting — a 24 year-old teenager talking about aging and saying “Welcome to adults’ world where none of your child dreams came true.”. Haha! Well, aging’s not a problem to me but making no improvements while aging is. I’ve lost years during the COVID-19 epidemic isolation at the university, and I don’t want to lose more. I don’t want the trip to Vladivostok to become the end of my experience at a global scale but to become the begining. Go to new places. Make new friends. Harbin is okay but I won’t stay here for lifetime. I need to make improvements. I’m not good at talking to people, especially when it comes to my family, or under certain circumstances. I don’t contact my friends actively, or I don’t contact them at all. When I was in the university, even to the girl I was fond of I couldn’t speak a word. I’m better now but still I talk to myself most of the time. I used to find myself comfortable with loneliness in the past, but recently I do feel lonely. I need to do something. So make improvements. Not just on social skills but on every aspects. A 30 year-old of me is not terrible. A 30 year-old of me with no difference to the current me but just older, is disaster.

That’s the thing I want myself to remember on my birthday this year. And gosh, look what I’ve written… I just wrote dozens of sentences to myself, again! I was about to share my activities yesterday in the first place! (And of course, also write to myself something.)

The End